Happy New Year! Unpacking all the things in 2025…today I’m talking about my identity as the eldest daughter and how I’m overcoming limiting beliefs and a fear of being seen trying.
Definitely resonates. I’m the eldest daughter (with mom, not dad), and I’ve been trying to combat this “self-abandoning” we’ve been taught to do. Like just started two weeks ago. What a revelation - if you’re anxiously attached, and you’re worried about being rejected, then let it happen. Easier said than done, but if we don’t face this discomfort, this fear, we’ll always be facing and shielding that sad little girl who tried her best to be perfect and shrink all at once - for nothing.
A word!!! I’m definitely experiencing this now. & being the good daughter and how that shows up in platonic and romantic relationships is 😵💫😵💫 like who am I when im not trying to be perfect for someone else?
thank you so much for this! i’m in my final year of university and just realising i have no passion for the career path i chose at 15 all because it was a “safe” job. what i’m trying to remind myself this year is that ‘perfection is trap’ and doing what drives me is more important than what is expected of me.
Ugh, you took the thoughts out of my brain and wrote it so beautifully! My goal this year is to focus on ME! Shedding the eldest daughter identity is so hard but I’m working on it.
i am an eldest daughter, immigrant daughter, only daughter as well. 'the good daughter' is a complicated cycle to escape, one where you may have to burn the mold, not just break it. great piece, wishing you strength along the way.
Oof this was like reading my own journal entry. I dubbed 2025 the year I go after the dreams 12 year old me had and nurturing my inner child. Rooting for you. - another eldest daughter 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾
I’m in a similar boat I’ve been feeling so lost in myself and in my identity I feel like I curated one purely out of aesthetics , social media and expectations without truly knowing myself. I feel like I’m motivated purely out of validation and expectation rather than my own genuine wants. I’ve been feeling so stuck.
i am itching to dive into this topic with the added layer of colorism / beauty expectations. Because whew i can yap about thattttt
i’m wishing you the best in your journey back to yourself <3 start with a lil social detox and just plan a day of exactly what you want! Sending love 💕
I relate to this so much & as a young woman who’s actively working on overcoming her fear of being seen I came across this article at the perfect time this was truly empowering!
Oh how I resonate with this piece!! Perfectionism, the fear of being seen failing, drowning, yet telling everyone that you've got this. Such a painful experience. I love seeing fellow eldest daughters (especially from immigrant households) set themselves free lovingly.
I was literally just saying this a day ago and then this popped up - talk about divine timing. I find it so interesting that as eldest daughters we simultaneously crave being/feeling seen (in terms of love, validation, acts of service, understanding us) but shrink away at the very real possibility at actually living it.
I’ve recently felt the freak out of good daughter syndrome whilst applying for summer internships/post grad jobs because being a good daughter with all of its programmed expectations means sod all to employers. That being said it’s given me time to step back and look at MY passions and I’m feeling led to do the hard/scary/passion filled thing and stepping out into entrepreneurship - which goes against every fibre of my good, eldest daughter syndrome!
I say all this to say, this piece resonated. HARD. You wrote this so beautifully and eloquently - it was like my brain was being transcribed on the page. Thank you! May we get all the better at doing it scared and feeling worthy of being seen, in all our angles. 💌🥂
This. This. This. Wild world of rediscovery. Doing it scared is an exhilarating place to be. It takes courage. Love that you are here and still going. Thank you for sharing!
I definitely relate to this. Trying to be the “good daughter” will have you stagnant and full of resentment.
fr!! Live your life for you 💗
My moodboard this year says "Fear is a Liar" and I've thought about that every morning since.
- an eldest daughter
writing this one down!! thank youu 🫶🏾 theres truly so much on the other side of fear
would love to hear your thoughts on part 2 🩷
https://open.substack.com/pub/everythinginbetweenbybrianna/p/05-the-good-daughters-journey-releasing?r=4ryztr&utm_medium=ios
Oooh I love this
Definitely resonates. I’m the eldest daughter (with mom, not dad), and I’ve been trying to combat this “self-abandoning” we’ve been taught to do. Like just started two weeks ago. What a revelation - if you’re anxiously attached, and you’re worried about being rejected, then let it happen. Easier said than done, but if we don’t face this discomfort, this fear, we’ll always be facing and shielding that sad little girl who tried her best to be perfect and shrink all at once - for nothing.
A word!!! I’m definitely experiencing this now. & being the good daughter and how that shows up in platonic and romantic relationships is 😵💫😵💫 like who am I when im not trying to be perfect for someone else?
thank you so much for this! i’m in my final year of university and just realising i have no passion for the career path i chose at 15 all because it was a “safe” job. what i’m trying to remind myself this year is that ‘perfection is trap’ and doing what drives me is more important than what is expected of me.
my word of the year is always pivot! girl im always reinventing myself, excited for you to explore your passions and find the path for you 🤍
that last sentence is such a word! doing what drives you > others expectations!! i’m holding onto that
Ugh, you took the thoughts out of my brain and wrote it so beautifully! My goal this year is to focus on ME! Shedding the eldest daughter identity is so hard but I’m working on it.
there comes a point in life where playing the "good daughter" will not serve you anymore. playing the role will serve everyone else but yourself!!!
exactly!!!
i am an eldest daughter, immigrant daughter, only daughter as well. 'the good daughter' is a complicated cycle to escape, one where you may have to burn the mold, not just break it. great piece, wishing you strength along the way.
would love to hear your thoughts on part 2🩷 especially regarding immigrant daughter expectations https://open.substack.com/pub/everythinginbetweenbybrianna/p/05-the-good-daughters-journey-releasing?r=4ryztr&utm_medium=ios
Oof this was like reading my own journal entry. I dubbed 2025 the year I go after the dreams 12 year old me had and nurturing my inner child. Rooting for you. - another eldest daughter 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾
Rooting for youuu. this is the year of you and your goals <3
I’m in a similar boat I’ve been feeling so lost in myself and in my identity I feel like I curated one purely out of aesthetics , social media and expectations without truly knowing myself. I feel like I’m motivated purely out of validation and expectation rather than my own genuine wants. I’ve been feeling so stuck.
this! thank you for articulating 💪🏽
i am itching to dive into this topic with the added layer of colorism / beauty expectations. Because whew i can yap about thattttt
i’m wishing you the best in your journey back to yourself <3 start with a lil social detox and just plan a day of exactly what you want! Sending love 💕
first and only child to an immigrant as well. the artists way has truly helped me work through many of the experiences we endure
I’ve just started this!! Thinking about doing monthly updates on the tasks in it 🫶🏾
I feel so seen. Thank you for writing this.
I relate to this so much & as a young woman who’s actively working on overcoming her fear of being seen I came across this article at the perfect time this was truly empowering!
Oh how I resonate with this piece!! Perfectionism, the fear of being seen failing, drowning, yet telling everyone that you've got this. Such a painful experience. I love seeing fellow eldest daughters (especially from immigrant households) set themselves free lovingly.
I was literally just saying this a day ago and then this popped up - talk about divine timing. I find it so interesting that as eldest daughters we simultaneously crave being/feeling seen (in terms of love, validation, acts of service, understanding us) but shrink away at the very real possibility at actually living it.
I’ve recently felt the freak out of good daughter syndrome whilst applying for summer internships/post grad jobs because being a good daughter with all of its programmed expectations means sod all to employers. That being said it’s given me time to step back and look at MY passions and I’m feeling led to do the hard/scary/passion filled thing and stepping out into entrepreneurship - which goes against every fibre of my good, eldest daughter syndrome!
I say all this to say, this piece resonated. HARD. You wrote this so beautifully and eloquently - it was like my brain was being transcribed on the page. Thank you! May we get all the better at doing it scared and feeling worthy of being seen, in all our angles. 💌🥂
thank you so much cydneii 🥺 your comment really resonates with me! I’m glad you felt seen & cheers to embracing the things we love 💕 excited for you!! check out part 2 i just posted: https://open.substack.com/pub/everythinginbetweenbybrianna/p/05-the-good-daughters-journey-releasing?r=4ryztr&utm_medium=ios
This. This. This. Wild world of rediscovery. Doing it scared is an exhilarating place to be. It takes courage. Love that you are here and still going. Thank you for sharing!
As an eldest daughter, thank you.