02. good daughter syndrome and overcoming a fear of being seen

Happy New Year! Unpacking all the things in 2025…today I’m talking about my identity as the eldest daughter and how I’m overcoming limiting beliefs and a fear of being seen trying.

Jan 05, 2025

I’m the eldest daughter, the only daughter, the daughter of an immigrant mother.

Rules & Expectations

I’ve always been a rule-follower. Parental and familial expectations feel like rules: follow the path laid out by my parents, graduate top of my class, avoid rocking the boat too much. Of course, this has led to the unending search for outside approval and academic validation into adulthood. Now that same pressure has limited my ability to pursue paths that deviate from what others have deemed as “acceptable” or “safe.” I’m the good daughter because I always played it safe. “We never have to worry about you, Brianna” echoes through my mind as I try to figure out what it is that Brianna wants to do, what she likes, and how to get over the fear of just getting started.

“The wounded child inside many females is a girl who was taught from early childhood that she must become something other than herself, deny her true feelings, in order to attract and please others.”

- all about love, bell hooks

Failure & Perfectionism

I’ve come to the conclusion that the shadow of being “the good daughter” has also placed limiting beliefs on what I think I’m capable of. (More on the subject of limiting beliefs and immigrant families, mother/daughter relationships later!) My strive for perfectionism keeps me from trying if I don’t know what the outcome will be. Perfectionism has also equally contributed to my obsession with many other things - my appearance, my accolades, and what people think of me. My fear of being perceived, fear of others witnessing me falling short, and fear of being seen trying is absolutely rooted in the fact that I’ve always been expected to succeed. What if I don’t? It feels catastrophic to even think about. I fear investing too much in my creative pursuits because I hate the idea of letting myself or others down. Now what?

Overcoming Fears

I’ve been really working hard at trying to just “do it scared.” I’m approaching life with a heightened self-interest: What do I want out of this experience? Am I shrinking myself to fit in a mold? What would I do if failure wasn’t an option? Doing it scared means trusting myself. By breaking out of this prescribed mold, I’m affirming little Brianna, following my instincts, and being the most true version of myself. And don’t I owe that to myself? Don’t we all owe that to ourselves?

We have to stop being afraid of our power, and spend time deciding what really matters, outside of familial and peer expectations. There is so much more to life than being “the good daughter” and I can’t wait to see what we all discover in 2025 and beyond.

Let me know if this resonates with you! | Instagram